It is ten minutes to dinner as the Big Ten begins rehearsing our skit in the elevator kicking out several groups of junior high YC'ers and a bevvy of oriental tourists. Trevor says just be cool and have fun. Josh is disgruntled. He keeps acting like a producer only he has a limp. He says that we had a shot to vie for extra spending money at Harrod's tomorrow. Spencer says that we still do. Even though we have lobbed through a rushed rehearsal everyone in our group is more than certain that we have the best skit in house.
Before I enter the dining room I see Mark. He looks happier than he did earlier in the day when I spoke with him at Guild Hall. When I ask Mark how his afternoon was he says that it was his most culturally satiating day in Europe thus far. I have no clue what Mark means. He slips me an inside smile. As I begin to inquire why his afternoon was so culturally sating the doors to the dining hall smash open in the fashion of floodgates. We are being pushed on both sides. For some reason either Dimas or the mustache boy in the trench coat always rush to a certain portion of the hall and claim a table for their home group.
We enter the dinning area. From behind me I can feel Justin push me in the opposite direction. We are the BIG TEN. We are one. We are still hyped up from Porno WrestleMania in Jim Baker’s room.
Excluding complimentary breakfast this is the last meal that the group shall eat as one in the Gloucester.
I see Harmony. She is wearing her glasses. She has her hair in a cinnamon bund. She is ruffling through a dossier of questions for Lynn Minton tomorrow afternoon.
She is sexy when she is studious.
She sees me before I see her. She gives me a hug. She tells me h'llo. I ask er if she squeezed David this afternoon. She said she took a brief nap before dinner and squeezed David twice.The Big Ten is pushing behind me. It is like we have just exited the locker room and entered a Homecoming football game.
"We're going to be seated over there."Harmony says, pointing to the far right hand corner of the room. Even with my glasses off I can see Nat seated next to Miss Arkansas. It is the first time I have seen her since the cruise on the Thames river where she is not a cesspool of tears. The Big Ten is saying Harry comeon'. I look around and fail to see either Trevor or Charles. I don't want to sit anywhere near my nemesis yet I continue to march in the direction of my heart.
In the direction of Harmony.
Before Harmony sits down I grab her chair and pull it out
from the table. I watch her sit while simultaneously scooting the chair under
the table cloth in subtle array of carpeted thuds. Although she is not seated with us
Meg is two tables over. Again Meg is smiling. Again she has her hand on her
heart like she is pledging her allegiance to Jane Austen and to chivalry.
Again Harmony's counselor Ahlex is looking at me with her head tilted in jarring disdain.
Most of the groups are seated together rehearsing
antics for their upcoming performance. We seem to be the one table that is
deviating.
We are the de facto couples table.
In the front of the dinning room is a stage. It is maybe three feet off the ground. The last time I spoke in front of a crowd of people was when I was delivered my speech at the Pere Marquette.d a trip to the place I am now.
Three tables down and to the right I see Sam’s group.
Vinny is with them. His face is a ski-range of dried rivulets of salt. You can
tell he is trying to be there for the group. He is the only member of his group
wearing his Young Columbus jacket, his hood capped over his scalp in immortal
Big Ten fashion.
It occurs to me that outside of breakfast every
morning the only other meal we have consumed in the hotel was the first night
we plowed into London—the day we left Stratford and toured Blenheim palace and
Oxford.
Jennifer Flood is across from us with Beau. I say hi
to Beau. He looks at me and points like a game show host. He says Arrow, right?
I tell him yes. He tells me he’s always been good with names.
We are seated at the couples’ table. Harmony is still going over notes for the meeting with Lynn Minton. Jennifer Flood’s boyfriend looks at me and inquires that that he heard that my group actually saw the queen as some sort of icebreaker
“Yes,” I tell him. I put my arm around Harmony” It was only natural since I’ve been hanging out with a princess. With an angel, this entire trip.”
Several of the girls oval their lips offering phonetic vowel sounds as sentiments. The guys smile except for Nat, who still has not said a word to me even though we are seated at the same table. Even though our trip is coming to a close. He is looking back at me offering the lips scowl of disdain and envy.
I rub my fingers over Harmony’s forehead.
“I am looking for your tiara or your halo.” There are more chuckles. Nat has been completely one-upped. He has been completely dethroned.
There are two other couples at our table that I have
not met. I shake their hands. I tell them it is a pleasure.
I look at Nat. I think about what Harmony told me last night how Nat told everyone in her group that I shouldn’t be seen with her because I go to a Ghetto High school. I think about how he’s blown me off since day one and it was only after I somehow I got Rita's phone number when Harmony was an after through that I accumulated the audacity to snap at him.
If Nat wants me to be Ghetto then ghetto is what I am going to be.
“Hey yo! Nat.
S’up homeboy! Sheeet.”
I reach out my hand. His lips are the color of an ice
pack. He looks as if he is ready to bark and maw in my direction.
Harmony is looking at me perplexed. She says that I
sound like her brother. I stop. This is time Harmony has ever mentioned having a
brother. She seems aloof when I bring up the subject.
“…and
Yo yo yo yo yo yo yo, Here you are with yer fly girl God Damn she is fine, yo
that’s what I’m sayin’ yo!!”
I reach out and shake benevolently cusp the fingertips
of Miss Arkansas. Of all the people at the table she is actually blushing. I
tell Miss Arkansas that damn she is fly. When I reach down to kiss the tips of
her fingers, Nat quickly places his hand over hers as if he is playing some
type of grade school recess game. Jennifer Flood is looking at me as if I need
to be committed. Beau grunts several times and says that you remind me of that
one dude off of Arsenio Hall before making fist-vibrating motions with his fist
while chanting the word woof five times in a row as if part of a intonation to
a cult.
“”Fought now ol’
boy, use a tryin’ to dis me?”
I sound like I am a reject off of In Living Color. The
entire table has paused. I start to sound less MTV raps and more like the Gangsta
disciples who attend my high school.
“I ‘fought we
was fonna be kickin-it G,” I say, swiveling my head as if in need of oil.
Nat says what. I snapped at Nat once but now he is on
my terra firma. He is at my table with my girl. He thinks I am ghetto so I’m
gonna show his what it is like to attend a high school where kids stow guns in
their locker.
I splay out both arms as if I am a crucifix.
“Hey yo, that’s what I’m saying G. That’s what I’m
saying yo.”
I tell Nat that I am just messing with him. Beau
snorts and says you are funny as if he is waiting for a special bus to take him
to the zoo.
Over at the BIG TEN table Spencer has somehow cajoled
everyone to place spoons on their nose.
The last time I was having dinner in the Gloucester I
tried to say hi to Nat and he completely ignored me. I remember this morning
how he harped at me in the British Lift. I want to say I’ve been hearing rumors that you’ve
been telling people that I go to a shit high school only I refrain.
“Nat I’m just messing with you, man. I’m only messing
with your brother. I’m only messing with you, man.”
Harmony grabs my hand. She looks at me.
“Just messing with my buddy Nat. From my home town.
It’s all good.”
Jennifer Flood’s beau Beau snorts again and points at
both myself and Nat. He says you guys are funny.
***
Harmony isn’t here right now.
The voice is saying, in the antipodes, in Spokane Washington,
on the opposite side of the world. We have just said goodbye and I am worried
about her. Worried that something has happened. Wondering why she is not in New
York Wondering why she called me from Seattle.
“Harmony’s not here right now.” The maternal voice
pledges.
Harmony is not here.
***
In keeping with the dietary time signature of the RIP
Gloucester farewell banquet dinner Beef stroganoff is duly served. The older
waitress with a cirrus white hair brings me a cup of coffee without even ask me
if I would want any. I remember the first dinner I kept staring at the
bona fide couples table annoyed by Nat’s supercilious flout looking for a
Harmony that at the time was nowhere to be found. I continue to optical canvas the
room. Even though they are dangling utensils off of various parts of their
bodies the Big Ten seems mildly sedated.
Mark is seated with his group. I see group of Intellectual titans I sat
with this morning at Breakfast. There meals have just been served at they are
praying. The Polite Boy from Alabama who I got in the inane argument with this
morning publically asks if the table as a collective whole would mind if he
would publicly say grace before the meal. Ginny is the type of person who
asks to pray aloud and when you hear her pray it sounds like she is having and
orgasm when someone says something she agrees with she says yes and then she
says thank you Jesus, Yes. Thank you. Our Wendy who is dressed down again for
the night. My vision continues to oscillate around the room like recursive
blades on a ceiling fan. For the first time this trip Mark is seated with his
entire group. He is seated with Heath and Orlando and Travis and Matt and Denis
and the other intellectual Titans I have yet to meet. Even Dimas and Longhorn
appear to be seated with their respective groups. The only groups that have
differed are the couple tables and the table that openly prays.
Again I look at Sam’s table. I look at Vinny. He is
seated is such a way that his Young Columbus coat looks more like a straight
jacket.
Nat is trying to be gallant in front of his
girlfriend. He takes a piece of what looks kind of like Texas toast but is
actually some sort of cracker and smears some sort of pate across the top
before he places it in her mouth. She smiles.
I want to ask if he if going to masticate the food for her as well. It has been hinted that there are big announcements
tonight after the skit.
Harmony is shuffling notes.
“So tomorrow?” I inquire in whiffed nonchalance.
“Yeah,” Harmony adds. She is not looking up.
“So, where are you meeting the British kids at
tomorrow for your interviews? I mean, What’s your itinerary going to be like? ”
Ironically Nat’s girlfriend is part of the
intellectual discussion with the British youth tomorrow while Nat is not. It turns out that, like breakfast, everyone
seated at the table is meeting with the British youth with the exception of
myself and Nat. Harmony is talking about meeting with Lynn Minton in the lobby
sometime after the official group has left to tour St. Paul. She tells everyone
at the table that they will receive an official touring itinerary.
I still find it ironic in almost a hurtful that Harmony doesn’t applaud my intellect
enough even to invite me to participate in the discussion.
“Well, Nat I guess we’re the only ones at that this
table not going to the meeting with the British Youth tomorrow.”
I am smiling. I lift of my coffee cup as if to say
cheers.
Again Nat scowls back at me. I am no longer David. I
am you.
“You? Why would they possible want to interview you.
When have you said anything insightful?”
The waitress brings me another cup of coffee. I take a swig and turn to joust at Nat. Nat doesn't like that I know his secrets. This is the last time that Nat is belittling me. I know that Nat isn't gong back to Central Illinois right away and that I am flying home on my own. Nat doesn't like that I know that he is meeting his family out in Meg Weaver's Pennsylvania, though why they or any state would want him is beyond me
“So Nat, your not flying back home after this? You’re going somewhere else?”
Nat doesn’t want to talk to me. I want to expose how much of a douchebag he has been this entire trip. I want to expose hoe much he took pleasure in just hurting me by ignoring me all the time.
Nat says the word yes very quickly. My arm is around Harmony. My fingers are still strumming down the back of her hair almost in slow-motion. Nat’s girl from Arkansas is giving Nat a look like he should whip out a pearl glove and challenge the boy who delivers the same newspaper as he to a duel.
Jennifer Flood offers Harmony a glance insinuating she should shut me up. Beau is eating his beef Strogonoff as if from a trough.
"Maybe you should enlighten us, Mr. World traveler. I mean, on the reason why you are not returning to Central Illinois right away."
Miss Arkansas looks at Nat like you never told me you were flying somewhere after the trip. Nat tells me that his personal life is none of my concern.
I smile.
"I remember your mom telling my mom that the reason you weren't returning home right away is because you have a family reunion in Pennsylvania or someplace like that. I mean, that sounds like it would really be fun. Go to Europe then go to a family reunion with mommy and daddy."
Nat is looking down in menial disdain. He is getting pissed.
"..and wrestling? Wrestling going good this year? What are you Intercontinental Champion something like that. Kind of like the Macho Man yeah."
I begin doing my best Mach Man imitation which sounds more like Mr. Kool-Aid Man, oh yeah. I say oh yeah three times in a row and ask Nat if he is excited about defending the 4-h county bumpkin belt. I say oh yeah again. Miss Arkansas begins to chuckle and then clasps her hand over lips when Nat winces.
Nat has treated me like royal feces this entire trip. This is my opportunity to joust.
“Maybe when you get back from your family reunion in Pennsylvania or are done wrestling greasy sows or whatever I can drive out to banjo-twanging Deliveranceville or wherever you live and, if you don’t have a singly class A rustic wrestling meet we can meet and exchange pictures and reminisce about the trip. I would really like that.”
Nat is not looking at me at all.
"I mean, we're both from the same area code only I live in the city where there is modern hassles such as indoor plumbing. Still. were on this trip and we are experiencing London and surrounded by all these beautiful people, I mean,
“I know you must wrestle year long. I mean rural Illinois hay-shucking single class A with schools like Fairberry and Pickneyville. Boy, to go to state. What an accomplishment. Must be like receiving a blue ribbon at a milk tasting contest or showing cows.”
Nat swipes his arm over his mouth in muffled stance. He then begins to cough several times. His girlfriend places the back of her palm on Nat’s upper back. In muffled cough he then drops the bomb:
“At least I don’t go to a school full of niggers.”
“What??”
Nat swivels his chin is oblique directions. He then points to himself and echoes the query what back in the atomic chasm of my direction.
“What did you just say?”
The pillars in the dinning room area are essential
four ten foot high mirrors slabbed together. Even with my glasses off I can see
my visage. I can see a look of ghastly shock glued to Harmony’s lips.
Nat just his thumb into his chest. He says me, I didn’t say anything. I was just coughing.
Harmony is shocked. Jennifer Fllod's Beau-beau makes a comment about being Politically correct.
“No, you said at least I don’t go to a high school full of niggers, I heard.
Nat has a look on his face, his lips looks like they are forming a scattered piece to a jigsaw puzzle.
“No I didn’t. You heard me, I was merely coughing.”
Nat points into the direction of Miss Arkansas as if he is expecting her to concur with a stifled nod.
"I heard you very clearly. You scowled in my direction like you have been doing since you met me at the airport and I was friendly and you made a conscious commitment to blow me off the entire trip. You’ve been ignoring me this whole trip for no reason just because you’re biased that I go to a shit high school. Well guess what—yer high school is full of inbred hicks. I may go to the high school where everyone is black and pregnant and we don’t have futures but at least I attend a school where people are honest and kind.”
I look at Harmony. I kiss her forehead. I push my chair underneath the helm of the table.
“Excuse me, I should be joining my group now.”
Harmony looks stunned. Like I just successfully lobbied in the court room for human rights. Behind me I can hear Nat telling his girlfriend, what? I was just coughing.
I look around the room and find my group. Spencer still has everyone balancing spoons on the edge of their noses like highly trained otters.
I have never been so happy to see Jim Baker in my life.
They welcome me by saying my name in loud in unison.
I am Harry. I am forever a maladroit member of the Big Ten.
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