Spencer

I am being like Mark. I am refusing to wear a tie. I place on my teal sweater. I wear the same jeans I have worn all day.

Justin sniffs and says, what did you take up smoking when you learned how to lie to adults and escape into the city.Justin blathers again about sorry that he used up all my hairspray but that there wasn't much left to begin with. He places on beige Khakis. It is the last night The hallway is emanating with the oak coughing sounds of doors opening and closing. The ice machine down the hall rumples. As we exit our hotel room the Big Ten as a whole is walking together.  I close the door leaving my standard pocket-sized Gideon bible on my bed where  Justin felt compelled to plant it on the same vessel of fluff in which I dream.

The Big Ten is all together. 7/10ths of the Big Ten are wearing Brut aftershave.  Even Baker and Kevin look like they have thorough brylcreamed their hair.

Chris is next to Kevin. Banky the mime is quiet and still lugging at the back of the group

"Obviously Harry didn't get the memo that this is a classy affair." Spin Doctor Kenny says.

I have worn a tie every time we were instructed. I wore a time to the butterfly farm an to meet with the dignitaries at Stratford. I wore a tie to meet with the American Ambassador. The only tie I brought on the trip is one of my fathers. It is already pre-tied because I don't know the first thing about tying ties.

I address the group as a whole informing them that they look like a bunch of bowling pins. Jim Baker points and said that you should have seen it, Harry was so envious that I was making money off of serialized British twat that he literally was humping my leg like a God Damn fire hydrant on the elevator.

I want to pummel Jim again.

Instead I look down. I am heading to the lobby where I will see Harmony for the first time in almost 24 hours.

I place my glasses in my side pocket.

Jim tells me to put my goddamn glasses back on, he doesn't want me side-humping his meat again.

We take a left and head or the elevator. Spencer points and plagiarizes a line from  Wayne's World telling everyone to walk this way before he begins to walk with a noticeable side limp. One of the Big Tenners said that they heard that apparently all the girls  are getting all G'd up tonight. Anotehr one talks about they can't wait to see what Daisy is wearing.

I am the only member of the Big Ten not wearing a tie. Even Alasaka Bryan is wearing a tie with a denim t-shirt.

The elevator blings into consciousness. 

All ten of us file in the elevator. Again Baker won't let go that  this was the same elevator where I attacked him only 45 minutes earlier.

The elevator re-opens on the second floor. It is already packed. Two of the Italian girls have their hair done and are waiting to get on only there is no room. When the door shushes close the Big Ten erupts. I is holy shit. It is damn oh damn Jill is just so hot.  The elevator is mirrored on all sides and even overhead. Every direction I am a part of this amoebic mass.

Every direction I am part of the Big Ten.


We reach the lobby. The Big Ten is scurrying into the lobby as if the lift were a locker room prior to a homecoming football game. There is a certain sense of this is it attitude permeating the ranks of our adolescent cadre. Baker is the first to get out. I am next to Spencer in back. I think about a promise I made to a friend earlier in the day.

There is more laughter. I can see Trevor outside the elevator beginning to count heads. We are the last two on the elevator and just as he is ready to step out I pull Spencer back. 

I press the button to number three. 

We are ascending.

Spencer is like what is going on. He is calling me Hair. Outside of my roommate Justin I don’t think any of the Big Ten know my name.

"Listen, bro. You got to be more benevolent towards Daisy."

Spencer is smiling. He makes the sound of a conductor. He says all aboard the Daisy Train. I tell him to cut that shit out. 

“I was downstairs today and she was like literally running away. She had her suitcase packed and everything. She was going to live a life in London prostituting herself or whatever because the BIG TEN as a whole has made her trip to Europe feel like shit the entire time."

Spencer is looking at me again.

“Look bro. She is in love with you. She loves your picaresque mannerisms and zany witticisms. She really loves you.  She really likes you.”

I tell Spencer God knows why I tell him that he is pretty much just a pain in the Open Jewels Nads.

The elevator opens on the third floor.. Harmony's floor. I am expecting Young Columbusians to enter the elevator in troves but instead it is empty with the exception of several Oriental businessmen with very thick glasses I saw earlier int he afternoon in the lobby.

As I the elevator goes to close I push it open. We are standing half on the lift and half on the third floor.

Spencer asks me that this is why I feel compelled to abduct him.

“I’m not abducting you. I’m telling you like it is. You need to Be kind. You need to be Polite. If the Big Ten start pulling that Daisy Train shit you have the power to quash them from making Daisy feel like shit

We step back into the lift. I press the L for Lobby.

Spencer is looking off. He asks me why I spoke with him.

“Because she asked me. Because I followed her when she was leaving the hotel. Because she availed to me all these emotions mainly centered around you."

I tell Spencer now is the time to grow up.

I then walk up to him and begin to fix his tie.

"Sorry, it got crooked in the scuffle."

The elevator door blings open.

Jim Baker is waiting for us.

“Harry man, you guys go upstairs to like fuck?”

I walk out. The Big Ten is in stitches. Eustace Blague-Barker is rattling his torso. I am in the lobby. I have not heard from Harmony all day.

I shoot a glance back to Spencer. I tell him just to remember what I am saying.

I look around the lobby.

I wish I was accepted.

I wish that I would have worn my father's tie.