There is what sounds like a gavel being struck on the floor three times in succession.The Lord and the Lady of the manor come out attired in medieval garb wearing tights and what looks like yellow pantaloons on the males sounding like they are reading Chaucer in olde English. There is a here ye here ye accompanied by the nasal blaze of a trumpet. There are several jugglers and a harlequin-slash-jesters who seems to be at the butt of the Lord and lady of the manor every aside. It is anachronistic overkill. In the first paragraph the Lord of the Manor has already used the terms peasant three times while alluding to the elixir of Figgy Pudding.
There is wassail served in what looks like chalices that could be pawned off as individual Holy Grails. .
I am anxious, I am irked I want to know why Harmony won’t talk about the interview she helped co-ordinate with Lynn Minton.
From where I am seated I can hear Nat comment to Miss Arkansas that this Wassail looks like someone submitted a geriatric Fecal sample to be studied for medicinal purposes, a remark which spawns several of the girls in Harmony's group to shove their quaff across the table in disdain.
Again, I ask Nat if he could please pass the rolls and he pretends that he doesn’t hear me.
There are more clatters in the front of the room. There is Oyez. Oyez. One of the head monarchs in tights unfurls a scroll and commences to talk about decrees.
"We were informed by ye Fair Head of Council that every night when ye met ye have celebrated a birthday."
I'm lost when I realize that he is alluding to the birthday acknowledgements that is customary at the end of every group meeting. So far this trip there has been at least three birthdays every date of the trip.
"The Lord of the manor states as is standard protocol to herald ye young knave with birthday wishes."
I am lost. Harmony is loving this.
"Please come forward or face execution by Iron Maiden, young Knave, Chad Bailey."
The Big Ten tables seems to implode by way of control demolition. Chad Bailey is Banky who never speaks. I have no clue it was Banky's birthday. Apparently Banky's first name is Chad and he is from Billings, Montana. He is being hazed by English people attired in tights
The Lord and the Lady of the manor address Spencer's roommate as a young Squire.
"Might young squire assist us by opening the festivities with a kiss of thy fair maidens cheek?"
Banky looks perplexed. It is still unreal that none of us realized it was Banky's birthday today until I remember that this was one of the rare days where all the groups were split up so we didn't get a chance to serenade anyone with the colloquial standard Happy Birthday en masse. The voluptuous lady of the manor swoops over Banky. He is blushing. Apparently he is expected to kiss ye faire maiden's cheek. Trevor yells out go for it. He yells go for it Chad. I still can't believe that it has been the entire trip and Banky has been the one member of the Big Ten who none of us have really gotten to know all that well. Banky is apprehensive. He doesn't want to kiss Ye Faire Lady of the Manor. The Lord of the Manor states that perhaps young squire would be more wont to kiss the Lady of the Manor if thou hath the applause of those of his faire wenches. Apparently wenches is some sort of euphemism for cohorts because Banky, the Montana mime is being goaded in a clattering array of fist-stomps from both sides of the ballroom.
There is a smile on Harmony's face.
Harmony says oh look, your group member is coy.
Banky steps up to Ye Faire Maiden in the front of the room. His face looks more like a squirt gun as he puckers his lips touches the side of her overtly blushed cheek.
The interior of the building explodes.It is Banky. Banky from Montana. Banky who is Spencer's roommate. Banky who has never talked once during this entire trip nor removed his red cap.
Banky is on center stage and everyone is applauding.
From the back of the room Jim Baker yells out something blatantly PG-13ish which causes Sir Charles to snap and Say comeon' Jim, last night.
The Lord Mayor of the Manor is affable. He turns to Banky, gesticulating his arm across the floor like he is a used car dealer.
"Perhaps thous shalt assist to to open this festivity by kissing the faire cheeks of each young maiden in the room."
There is more applause and confusion. The Lord of the manor asks the rhetorical question again and it is pretty certain that Banky is expected to kiss the cheek of every female in the house. The Lord Mayor of the Manor announces that we are to cheer him on. Both sides of the room again begin to pound on the table which, as we are leaning, in medieval times was an acceptable form of adulation. Banky walks up to the girl who ironically mistook for Elias Das in the elevator. Banky steps up. It looks almost as if he is taking a slurp of water from park fountain as he purses his lips together. He is nervous. His knees appear to be clapping together.
"Go Bank!! I yell out. I make it a salient point to note that Banky is in my group and is Spencer's roomy.
Nat looks at me and rolls he has yet to pass lolling both his eyes and his chin in one continuous motion of disdain.
After Banky kisses the first girl music begins to play. There is clattering and stirring in the kitchen. Banky is working his way down the pressing his lips against heavily make-up'd teenage countenances. He passes John Major's table.
There is no hint of Vivian in the room.
I look down at Harmony . She is wearing a Mickey Mouse watch. I swear I have never seen the watch before even though we have held hands several times.
Nat is scoffing and Harmony is a mime.
I am in dire need for an icebreaker.
“I like your watch.” I say.
Harmony says thank you.
“Did you get it at Disney Land or something?”
Harmony blushes. She tells me that if I want to know the truth she’s never really been outside Washington state much. Both the tail and the feet are pointing at 9 and three. You can tell that Harmony spent five minutes adjusting her watch to British time when we arrived on UK soil.
Harmony swipes her head.
“It was a gift. A dear friend gave me.”
Again I feel there is competition. Again I think about what Jennifer Flood, seated all of two seats down told me this after noon when she told me that perhaps Harmony never really liked me.
Nat has his right arm cemented around Miss Arkansas' left shoulder Banky is circumnavigating the room as if he is on a carousel. He is at the table with the intellectual Vixens from Bus four. He kisses Rose and Shiela both on their cheeks.Three tables above I can see Sam. They are sitting as a group. Sam is wearing his tweed emerald jacket he purchased at Harrod’s earlier in the day which grants him the appearance of a rather large successful Notre Dame booster. He tilts his head into the direction of Banky who just becomes totally confused. There is laughter. I can hear Jim Baker's voice as Banky's shadow is standing over Daisy stating that Spencer's roomy has now gotten further around the bases than he has. There is laughter. He is circumnavigating the medieval chamber. He has arrived to our table. There is something about Banky that looks both bored and excited and extremely embarrassed at the same time. Beau seems lost as Banky bends over to kiss Jennifer Flood, whose cheeks transitions into a benevolent shade of puce. Harmony is next.Banky kneels over and kisses the side of Harmony's face. I make a joke alluding to an aborted make-out session on the Thames last night making the ill-timed quip that I guess the only way I'll be able to kiss you is if it is my birthday. Harmony blushes. Banky bends over and kisses Jennifer Flood's cheekbone. I give Banky a little Mark-inspired attaboy fist pummel. He has made his way up three rows and his lips look like a wilted corsage.
“How about you?” She says, slightly jabbing me with her fork I say what. She points at my wrist.
It is the Identity bracelet from Renae.
Harmony looks at me nonplussed. She asks if Renee’s is some sort of a jewelry store in town.
“No, I tell her Reane was my girlfriend. My ex-girlfriend. It just didn’t work out even though we were pretty much addicted to each other like caffeine."
"Why didn't it work out?" Harmony says. She is looking at me like she is finally interested in something I have to say. I don't want to tell her because I was Lutheran and I couldn't stop staying up all night and thinking about gender-defining vectors of Renae's anatomy. I can't tell her because every time Renae and I were together our bodies were as if tryin to enter each other.
I can't tell her that I harbored shame.
I can't tell her that I already entered the Young Coumbus contest the two previous years and that, somehow, I failed.
I can't tell her that thee was no way my overtly-male definition of a higher power would assent to me winning the self-proclaimed trip of a lifetime unless I surrender the innate feeling of always wanting to be inside her body.
Unless I sacrificed what we had on the altar of thy God.
"Why didn't it work out?" Harmony says. She is looking at me like she is finally interested in something I have to say. I don't want to tell her because I was Lutheran and I couldn't stop staying up all night and thinking about gender-defining vectors of Renae's anatomy. I can't tell her because every time Renae and I were together our bodies were as if tryin to enter each other.
I can't tell her that I harbored shame.
I can't tell her that I already entered the Young Coumbus contest the two previous years and that, somehow, I failed.
I can't tell her that thee was no way my overtly-male definition of a higher power would assent to me winning the self-proclaimed trip of a lifetime unless I surrender the innate feeling of always wanting to be inside her body.
Unless I sacrificed what we had on the altar of thy God.
Nat has his right arm cemented around Miss Arkansas' left shoulder Banky is circumnavigating the room as if he is on a carousel. He is at the table with the intellectual Vixens from Bus four. He kisses Rose and Shiela both on their cheeks.Three tables above I can see Sam. They are sitting as a group. Sam is wearing his tweed emerald jacket he purchased at Harrod’s earlier in the day which grants him the appearance of a rather large successful Notre Dame booster. He tilts his head into the direction of Banky who just becomes totally confused. There is laughter. I can hear Jim Baker's voice as Banky's shadow is standing over Daisy stating that Spencer's roomy has now gotten further around the bases than he has. There is laughter. He is circumnavigating the medieval chamber. He has arrived to our table. There is something about Banky that looks both bored and excited and extremely embarrassed at the same time. Beau seems lost as Banky bends over to kiss Jennifer Flood, whose cheeks transitions into a benevolent shade of puce. Harmony is next.Banky kneels over and kisses the side of Harmony's face. I make a joke alluding to an aborted make-out session on the Thames last night making the ill-timed quip that I guess the only way I'll be able to kiss you is if it is my birthday. Harmony blushes. Banky bends over and kisses Jennifer Flood's cheekbone. I give Banky a little Mark-inspired attaboy fist pummel. He has made his way up three rows and his lips look like a wilted corsage.
When Banky bends over endeavoring to kiss Miss Arkansas Nat slaps his Tazewell county palm over his date's cheekbone mentioning some Tremont Turk varsity wrestling move. Banky jilts back. Miss Arkansas turns to my nemesis and inquires what the big deal is.
"It's fine," Nat says, looking at Banky. This is my opportunity. I have given Harmony eye-brow tilts insinuating that I will behave with Nat tonight.
When I look down I notice that Nat is wearing Penny loafers. It looks like he placed what could be classified as a British pence in the center slit of his shoes. I want to tell him that in the part of the city I am from nobody would caught dead wearing Penny Loafers.
"Go for it brother. Big Ten in the house. Kiss her."
Banky still looks bemused. Nat places each palm over her cheeks as if showcasing some warped sense of propriety. I intervene.
"Nat moves your damn arms. Sir Banky of Big Ten is commissioned to Kiss every Girl before we eat and I'm Hungry. Especially since you Sir Nat of ye-Deaf-tards avoid me-every time I ask if ye may pass me an olde roll."
Miss Arkansas releases Nat's hands. Banky goes in for the kiss. The second his lips touch the side of Miss Arkansas' face the entire table implodes in a series of claps.
Baker says kiss her good and then begins rattling his torso and hushed down my Sir Charles.
Nat has humiliated himself through his own appropriation.
Nat turns back to me. His face is the color of antifreeze. He is scowling. He is scowling at me worse than he did last night when I snapped at him at the table
He has done nothing but scowl at me the entire trip.
He is scowling. I swear I hear miniature grrrrs. I swear it looks like he is sprouting fangs.
Again I ask him if he could please pass the rolls.
Again he says nothing at all.
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