The call...

Justin is down on one knee doing his devotions.

This is the night. I’m going to call her.

Justin tells me that she waved at me twice at dinner only I didn’t see her because I wasn’t wearing my glasses.

I dip into the bathroom and examine the only body I have found myself inhabiting. I fill the basin with cold water, plummeting my head it in like an ostrich, like a baptism. I grab the sallow tines of the yellow comb and sculpt. I grab the faithful bottle of Aqua Net and attack my scalp.

When I come out of the bathroom Justin is standing right there.

“Why are you so concerned about your appearance?”

I’m gonna call Harmony. She’s expecting me

“Yeah but its not like she’s going to see you.”

“Yeah but I guess I just want to appear confidence in a way.”

Justin looks at me. He tells me that with the amount of hairspray I am using I am drilling holes in the ozone layer above Stratford upon Avon. I tell him good. I tell him that the wraith of William Shakespeare might finally be able to slit though the atmosphere and slink on into writer heaven, then.

“Seriously, that stuff rots the environment.”

“Then ask God for a new one.” I say, glancing down at his devotions.

The clock reads 9:44. Back in the states it is a lazy Friday afternoon, I think about the patrons I collect from. I think about Bob and Frank, who are semi-perverted but always make me laugh, I think about Mrs. McQuellen and her daughter down the street. It is Friday and I have somehow experienced seven more hours of life than they have simply by stepping in a plane and traveling east for 12 hours.

I have her room # memorized. I pick up the phone and dial.

The phone is ringing. From behind me I can hear Justin stating that I just don’t know what I see in that girl.

It rings four times. A feminine voice tithes a low-key hello.

“Hey, is my rapturous lil’ mermaid around?”

There are giggles. It sounds as if there are three or four girls in the room erupting in a bouquet of laughter and spirited giggles.

“Yeah, this is your little Mermaid.”

“Harmony?”

“I don’t know if I’m Harmony but your making me wet. Must be my fin.”

There is laughter. I can hear the radio in the background. I am disconcerted. I want to fall into Harmony’s tongue. I want to straddle her palate like a raft. I want to fall in her body and watch her hiccup in smiles.

I say Harmony’s name again with a stolid nativity scene shepherd’s staff question mark attached to it.

“Yeah, this Harmony. I’m drowning in your voice. I’m your little mermaid. I need to be resuscitated. You need to give me mouth to mouth, baby.”

It is not Harmony on the phone. I want to hear her voice. I have been anticipating hearing Harmony’s voice all day  Behind me Justin has curtailed his devotions and is standing on both legs. I decide to jettison all romantic predilections and be frank. 

“Yeah, I was wondering if I might with Harmony. This is David. We met last night at the dance.”

“Oh yeah, I know David. You should work for UPS because you have a large package. Package. I know David.”

I wonder whose room I called.  It is not her on the phone. I have waited all day to speak with her. I have endured the goddamn butterfly farm. I want to speak with Harmony.

The voice on the other end is laughing hysterically.

I am sure I dialed the right number. I have no clue what it going on.

“Oh yeah Harmony is here. She remembers you from last night and she misses you. She wants to feel your lips against her neck.  Oh she wants you so bad.”

I have no clue who I am speaking with. I hang up. There is an audible drone.

\

Justin is standing on both knees. He asks me what happened. I tell him I don’t know. Justin turns on the TV. There is audible highlight of a soccer team called Nottingham Forest.The announcer keeps saying that they are going downhill. That the once glorious team of National pride looks like they will be delegated to second tier.

“How did your phone call date go?”

“I don’t know. I thought I was speaking with Harmony at first but then there were all these girls voices laughing. They kept saying stuff.”

“What kind of stuff.”

“They kept saying sexual stuff. Sensual stuff. I don’t know. It was crazy.”

Justin’s eyes pierce up.

“Yeah, it was weird. It didn’t feel it all like the girl I was dancing with last night.”

“She had other girls with her?”

I tell him that’s what it sounded like. 

“You think that the girls would want to speak with me?”

I tell Justin that he already has a girlfriend back home in Nebraska City, Nebraska. He says yea, right.

“I’m calling her back. I really want to hear from Harmony.” Justin has a look that says suit yourself.

This is all I have wanted all day.Before I can dial the number the  phone rings. I am elated. It is Harmony. She is calling me back. There will be no more shenanigans. I pick up I address her as hey baby.

On the other end Harmony's voice is nowhere to be heard. Its is Jim Baker. He asks us how us fuckers are doing.

“If you must know I’m waiting for Harmony to call me back.”

Jim inquires if I am going to pork her. He tells me that she just looks like she needs a good porking. He tells me that she looks like she can burn some serious calories that way.

“She’s not fat.”

Jim tells me whatever Harry, she looks like a sow. He tells me that she looks like she could be served on a platter with an apple in her mouth for Easter brunch.

"You gotta be careful man. You're pretty much the reason we had that meeting tonight.  Your gonna get all our asses in trouble if you don't calm down and I worked to hard to miss a day of this trip."

Baker says that Trevor and Sir Charles can bite him. He says besides your glasses are always off, you are missing half the trip anyway.

I change the subject.

“You guys all packed up for London. Tomorrow’s the big day. No more William Shakespeare. No more butterfly farms. We’re headed to London, man!!”

Baker says whatever.

“I called to tell you ass-fuckers to turn on channel twelve.”

I tell him what. He tells me that he’ll allow me to chat with the Pillsbury dough boy again once I turn on channel twelve.

I hang up. It is close to  midnight. All I want to do is leave my hotel room and just run. Instead I plop on my bed,  my arms buckled around the back of my head in the universal symbol of surrender.

“She’s gonna call me back. I say,"

Justin looks at me and shrugs. He gets down on one knee again. When he notices that I am looking at him he calls me dude. He tells me dude, I am doing my devotions, turn the other way, this is between myself and God. I am telling myself fuck it. As if possessed I dial her number with my thumb. Perhaps I mis-dialed. Perhaps I got the wrong room. 

The phone in her purported room rings again.

“Hello may I speak with—“

“Oh yeah this is Harmony and I miss you. I miss you and your package baby...”

There is laughter on the antipodal end.  Justin has his mouth open, he is tugging near the center of his waist. He is bobbing his feet up and down. In a way he looks excited.

“I was wondering if I might speak with—“

Harmony's roommate Jennifer (in red coat) flanked by Beatles

“Oh yeah, this is Harmony. This is your amphibious angel. This is you little mermaid with wings. This is Harmony. Oh. And I miss you. I want to rub my fins all over your body. I’m a fish out of water. I want to leave you buried in a pyramid of scales.
I can hear laughter from the other end of the phone. From the best I can intuit I am speaking with Harmony’s roommate Jennifer.

“I’m being serious now. Can I please speak with Harmony? I really want to hear her voice.”

More laughter. I say her name. I say Jennifer I am pissed. I tell Jennifer to put Harmony on.

“Oh but I am on. I'm so on I'm getting off. I’m taking off my shirt. I’m thinking about you. I’m thinking about holding you last night. I need you.”

“Damnit!!!”

There is arousal. Justin is looking at me like he is an active participant in our conversation.

“Ho’kay,” The voice on the other end says, “This is Harmony..”

“Hi this is…”

 By the way, I think you are a major dork. You are such a dork, David.”

Dork.

There is laughter on the other end of the phone before she hangs up.

I look at Justin. He asks what happened.

I tell him I don’t know. I don’t know. I just don’t know.

 It is England. I have just gotten off of the phone with the creature I felt destined to meet and there is silence after all this time.

The phone does not reverberate. Eventually Justin pinches his light off and there is sleep.


I don't understand where I failed with Harmony, I get up and look at the phone like an inanimate plastic object with a snout. I want to hold the conch up to my ear and become flooded with the audible chimes of her voice.

                                                 

           

There is only silence. Silence after all this time.